Lugosi's First date
by Salvo1985
Summary: Lugosi is the son of lincoln and lucy. and he and ramona (ronnie and papa wheelie's daughter) were always been a thing. tonight is the night of their first date. both 10-11 though, they are supervised by lincoln and luna, ronnie and her brother, bobby. meanwhile lamis has to deal with her 'special needs' brother Lemy...


"Look at you."

Lucy said with a light tone of excitement.

she rarely showed any form of emotion.

but when she was excited for something, when she really was happy.

her tone of voice would raise a lil higher.

or the look in her eyes.

his father, had a smug look on his face.

looking at his son looking all spick and span.

Lugosi looked at the mirror, he was only 10.

and he wore a red button up shirt, with a black long sleeve jacket to match.

earth colors work well with him. he had a pony tale. he looked...good.

"look at you, John Travolta jr."

lugosi sighed heavily. for it was his first mini date with ramona santiago.

the baddest bitch in the whole damn town. the meaner than ol' king kong. badder than a junkyard dog.

okay maybe she wasn't that bad. Carmen, her cousin, AKA juicy was bad. like that dude from friday movie bad.

but ever since he and ramona connected the family was estatic. he would have thought it be a romeo and Juliette type of situation. he knew his father and mother had one when his grandpa found out. got worse when he found out it was with almost every sister.

thus begin the road to incest. luckily lisa made some type of serum to pervent them from becoming shit face retarded... all except one...

"DERRRRRRR! HAY GUYZ!"

lugosi frowned, now he wasn't one to bad mouth a person, far from it. but his half brother, this half brother was 13. he was the first born...well...aunt luna didn't birth him. he was an experiment gone wrong while lisa was creating a serum.

she was messing around with DNA and inserted the serum. thus the child was a born out of a test tube. at first he looked normal. but as it grew it became something out of a fucking horror movie.

luna and lincoln... they didn't have the heart to reject him. but still, they didn't raise him a good half of his life. when lisa perfected the serum, lamis was born normal. and so did lugosi. and everyone else. but their older brother, well...let's just say he was fucked up.

that and the fact that lisa kept him in the attic, chained and feeding him fish heads, and other raw meats. til he escaped and ran rampid. digging through trash, shitting on people's lawn (cause he thought it was funny) and...molesting kids. he was the black sheep. the dark secret.

he was known only as lemy loud. or as the his siblings called him... the lemtard.

of course, lemy was too stupid to realized he was being mocked. he took it as some sort of super hero name. lester, he hated him the most. lester even told lugosi that there was a lemy in another universe that existed. only he was normal compared to this one.

however, lester showed dislike for that lemy too. as lugosi found out that in that universe...everyone just had sex with each other. and while lugosi was a virgin he thought sex was sacred. sure. his dad fucked his sisters and a few chicks, but he was still a decent man who didn't fuck his own kids.

he asked lester if there were retarded versios of themselves. to which he replied as no, that lemy seems to be the only 'bizarro' version of what he called lemy of that universe a 'sinkid' lugosi always wondered if this multiverse was bullshit, but he never question lester, seeing he wasn't the type to talk bullshit.

Lincoln made a face. the kind of face that showed painful misery and shame. for into the bathroom came the lemtard. he looked exactly like the lemy of the sinkidverse, only his nose had pimples. he had upper teeth like steven hawkings.

and had a fang on the right. and crooked fucked up teeth up front. he was a hunchback and wore a retard helmet with stickers all over. 'number 1#' 'super star' a ninja turtle sticker, and 'i'm special' carmen (juicy) drew a detail drawing of a dick with sagging balls on the side of the helmet that said 'born to suck lil kid dicks' he wore a red shirt with the words 'hot stuff' he had fingerless gloves cause he thought it made him cool.

the kid had neck pimples, his fly was open where you could see the piss stain undies. he wore cargo pants, and sneakers. his eyes were like a fucking Chameleon's. they moved like one too sometimes. and his arms were unnaturally long. and he didn't cut his fucking nails. and he had a musky stink. and yeah, crap under the finger nails. worse than Carmen's. he had long hair that stopped at the shoulder. brown-and god...it look greasy like he hadn't showered in a day or so.

lemy dragged his foot like the fucking mummy and was pulling his pants down. lincoln looked away, and lucy pretended he wasn't there. but lugosi? ... he stared at himself through the mirror. he heard the lemtard grunt as he drop on the toilet bowl. the next long wet farting. lugosi didn't mean to be rude but he shoved his parents out of the way and got out of there.

"haaay lugoseee wheres youse goin?"

lugosi ran down the stairs. lamis looked over her shoulder from the couch.

"lemy huh?"

lugosi nodded, lamis sighed and sat back down.

"yeah. dad said that if he escapes the house again, he isn't gonna go after him this time, besides. mom's pregnant with my baby brother. soon as he is born, they're gonna sent him away into a mental asylum anyway. maybe sooner."

lugosi nodded again and walked over to the jazz playing girl.

"...sometimes i think he's a punishment or even a reminder of what we could have been"

she cringed at that thought and shook her head.

"now i know how that chick with that zelda character feels like... jesus christ, lugosi.. he fucking eats his own shit."

just then their father cried out.

"LEMY NO! PUT THAT BACK IN THE TOILET!"

"but is has corn in it. Dahhhurrrr!"

lamis and lugosi shuddered in disgust.

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Ramona wore a pink dressed. the date was simple. it was the afternoon and dinner would be had, ramona and lugosi's parents so...was it really a date when your parents are sitting on the other side of the restaurant?

she didn't know. it was annoying. they were at some stake place. she sat across from him. and man did he look...spiffy.

"you...look..nice"

she whispered. this caught his attention. a single nod and he replied.

"so do you"

Ramona cleared her throat. they suddenly heard their parents laughing. they look and stared at the four adults...drinks in thei hands.

"and then just when i thought Clyde couldn't get anymore pathetic, he pissed himself in front of Penelope!"

Lincoln barked out loud. the booth next door looked annoyed, lincoln slap a hand on his forehead and cackled like William Defoe's green goblin.

"oh man, what a loser!"

Bobby laughed, Ronnie was giggling, her tiddies be jiggling. and luna she just grinned and lean against her man, pawing his broad shoulder.

"you know clyde had a crush on me too"

lincoln stopped and looked at her with wide eyes.

"wha-huh?"

luna grinned, shaking her head.

"he was getting over lori, remember? and he kept eyeing me new years eve, and when he told me on the stroke of twelve you came and kissed me, in front of him"

Lincoln blinked.

"oh yeah, i was startled by him..wait, how did you know he was gonna confess?"

luna shrugged.

"i could tell. and the confusion and heartbreak, you remember when i just bluntly held your hand in front of him?"

lincoln nodded.

"and you said - that's right, we're together. you wanna fight about it?"

luna nodded and chuckled.

"eh..what a loser"

ronnie said again and drank her beer.

lugosi turned his head and stared at ramona who lean back with a tired sigh.

"so why yo' mama ain't with your papa?"

she asked. lugosi rolled his shoulder.

"mom's busy with a novel. ruth is baby sitting my sisters, and lemt-lemy is being put up in his room, locked. ... plus aunt luna and lincoln hadn't had a date in months"

"hm"

ramona ate her stake and glanced at him

"your retard brother isn't gonna peek at me again like last time when i went to take a shit, right?"

her bushy uni-brow's furrow. and made a disgusting face. lugosi's head dropped down. he was so embarrassed by his half sibling. half the time he wish he could just take him out like old yeller, but he wasn't a violent child. still, lemy just brought the worse in lugosi. and he hated to feed him. he'd just place the plate and run out of his room.

everyone knew about the lemtard. and he was too damn stupid, too dangerous to be around sometimes. lamis was going to have a baby brother, a normal healthy one. there had been talks about putting him in an insane institution... his father ... he was a good man, but he was at the end of his rope.

the horror stories lester told him about a universe where the sinkids were all deformed, that the lincoln of that universe raped the one called lupa, and leia being a deceptive cunt...and..lyra being a skitzo. their lincoln being burnt half to death, and no one caring, except lori. he lost his dick. call that karma.

in the end, they all died. lori in that universe poison everyone. he shuddered. he truly shuddered. the thought, the idea that lincoln was a curler than the other sinkids lincoln... it all boils down to it though... they were bad. he looked at his father. now there was a man. body build like he-man, tired eyes but still full of life and love. a smile crept onto lugosi's pale lips.

"...ya know"

he said in a soft voice.

"i fuckin' love my dad."

his voice raised abit as he recall the times they went fishing, playing checkers, going to their first horror convention where he got to meet Robert England. the time they race go-karts, til lemtard got in the middle of the track some how, and got ran over by dad. he chuckled.

"my dad's awesome."

"well, at least you have only one."

she snorted and shoved a piece of meat in her mouth.

"papa wheelie, or Andrew as his name really is."

lugosi knew about the fact ronnie got pissed off with lincoln and begin her own harem. papa wheelie, rusty spokes. there was a kid ronnie and rusty had. he didn't know his name, but the guy looked like fucking larry from the three stooges, only he looked fugly, and was actually balding at the age of 13. he was this pathetic skinny ass larry stooge looking son of a bitch. cowardly too. and had an addiction for amputee women...

"didn't bobby run him off?"

she sighed, and nodded.

"he hit my mom pretty bad."

she poked her bowl of corn.

"bobby dragged his ass out of the house. ironically your dad came just as it happen."

she scoop some corn and shoved into her mouth and chewed before she swallowed.

"lincoln and bobby ended up ganging up on him and started wailing on him. juicy played come out and play on full blast."

Lugosi was shocked. he didn't know about this til now. but then papa wheelie deserved it. dad always said that a women needs to be defended, their honor but be met. sure, women these days call it sexist, but lugosi kinda believed in the old ways of what makes a man.

and if someone fucked with ramona, he has a brass knuckle prepared just incase.

"anyway, papa wheelie left after that."

lugosi hummed as he finished his meal. there was silence between them.

"bobby's a better father anyway"

she admitted, as she looked at ronnie and bobby leaning against each other, smooching and a loving. lincoln had an arm around luna and nuzzled her neck. she invision herself, older, with an older lugosi in the same way...maybe a child of their own...

she blushed and looked at lugosi. who was eating his mac and cheese. his skin was pale, eyes that had the tale signs of a boy who stayed up past 4am. but it bright out his blue eyes. she chewed on her bottom lip. god. he was sexy. god, he could grow up looking like a beefy heavy metal singer. unf... fuck me in the back of your limbo baby. unf.

she shook her head and grunted.

"let's go to the bathroom"

Lugosi paused with a snoop in his mouth.

"excuse me?"

she lean forward and eyed him.

"lets sneak into a bathroom and make out."

he looked at her, then turned his head. looking at his parents, then at her, then at his parents, than at her.

she slide out of her seat and jerked her head. lugosi sighed and got out of his own to follow.

"going to thr bathroom, mom"

"alright."

the parents continue to chatter.

"how are we gonna sneak in when there's alot of people, someone's bound to notice."

"just shut up and follow me, jack skelington."

"hah. hah. as if i didn't hear that one before"

Ramona stood by the boy's bathroom. lugosi stopped. she looked around. everyone was busy eating. with swift movement she shoved lugosi in he fell and landed hard on the ground. and she followed and shut the door and locked it.

before he could get up she pounced him like a panther.

(who the fuck names a sinkid panther by the way? jesus. soooo creative.)

she grab him by his shirt and locked lips with a growl. his eyes widen when he felt her grinding against his crotch. his eyes shut and closed and grip her hair. his fingers sliding over her body. - she broke the kiss, panting and stared him in the eyes.

"...you better not start a harem with your fucking sisters."

lugosi cringed.

"why would i do that?"

ramona's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"i'm not! jesus, ramona i'm not my father!"

"see that you don't"

she shoved him back down and placed her hands on his chest and rolled her hips.

"cause youse is mine."

she declaired.

"no one can have you but me."

lugosi blushed. part of him felt offended, but the other part liked it. the way she took control. uugghh...fuck he was getting a boner. ramona knew what she wanted though.

"and your gonna take me to prom one day, shit, your taking me to the winter dance at school next month, and we're gonna marry one day and have a kid"

lugosi blinked.

"...our first date and your already planning our future...tell me, your not gonna be controlling my life are you?"

ramona frowned. lugosi raised a browm he sighed.

"baby steps, ramona. baby steps. don't rush into things so fast"

ramona snorted.

"i know you think i'm a great guy, and if your doing this out of fear-"

ramona grunted.

"who says i'm scared vato?"

lugosi shrugged.

"its your mannerism, the way your acting...like i'm going to go away the moment you let me go"

ramona's eyes shift down her brow twitched. she sniffed loudly.

"don't worry, we have all the time in the world. i wont go anywhere"

he placed his hand on her left and brushed his fingers over hers, up to her arm.

"just give us a little more time, and our love will surely grow."

ramona swallowed.

"it's just...no boy ever likes me...and your the first that...gives a shit..."

lugosi smiled and sat up, he cup her face and looked her straight in the eyes.

"i love you."

he kissed her nose.

"dont see why you do, i'm ugly."

"your beautiful"

"i'm a bitch."

"you have balls"

"your too good to be true."

lugosi kissed her lips slow, tender. her body begin to melt and she moaned.

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"excuse me"

Lincoln turned to a middle age woman with curls, fair brown skin. Mexican, possibly. she was cute. she wore a ruby dress too.

"Are you lincoln loud, producer and creator of the shout house?"

ah. a fan. he beam with pride.

"well, yes ma'am i am"

luna gasped when lincoln was slapped hard across the face.

he blinked, shocked, confused.

"How DARE you make incest normal in a children's cartoon!"

lincoln's eyes narrowed, luna swallowed hard.

"hey, that's assault!"

Ronnie spat and stood up, bobby held her arm.

"ronnie..."

he said in a warning tone.

"...ma'am... i'm sorry you feel that way, but the point of the show is showing all aspects of a family"

lincoln said firmly.

"bullshit, your just apart of the incest agenda."

luna noticed she wore a LGBTQ button. ironic.

"...no offense but your sounding like the straights when they talked against LGBTQ in the media some years ago."

the woman took offense, as if you just raped her.

"being gay is normal! being an incestsexual isn't! you sick depraved scumfucks!"

luna deadpanned.

"i'm bisexual, hon."

"oh please, your either gay or your straight, you can't be both"

luna pinched the brim of her nose. lincoln stood up.

"WAITER!"

but it seemed to have caught the other customer's attention, as the manager came to see what was going on. lincoln gestured to the woman

"this woman just attacked me."

the manager nodded and looked at the woman.

"ma'am if you'll just-"

"he's an incestsexual!"

she shouted.

"i know, ma'am. he's lincoln loud, one of our regulars."

he said as if his sexuality didn't matter. this only enraged the bitch.

"your all SICK!"

The manager snapped his fingers and two waiters came to escort her out. a girl who was nearby came to the manager when he gestured her to come.

"get that woman's name. so we can ban her. i don't want her coming back to cause trouble. god forbid if she finds out Mr. Briggs is a polygamous"

she nodded and went to do so, the manager turned and bowed to lincoln.

"i'm sorry, sir. i hope this doesn't taint your evening. infact, whatever you ordered will be on the house, and we'll give you and your friends and children free desert"

"apple dumpling with icecream"

luna said quickly, lincoln looked at luna, who grinned.

"very well."

he turned and walked away. lincoln sat down slowly. his head turned when he felt luna's hands squeeze his. he looked her in the eyes, and smiled. she reached and gently rubbed his cheek.

"did that mean woman hurt you?"

lincoln had a smug look on his face.

"yeah, can you kiss my boo-boo?"

luna turned his cheek and gave it a gentle kiss.

he smiled. ronnie lean on bobby and sighed nuzzling his neck.

"how often do you get shit for making that saywer kid dating his sister in your show?"

lincoln sighed.

"alot."

his brows furrow. he didn't like it. so many closed minded people.

"eh, she can go fuck herself, dumb dyke"

ronnie snapped her finger.

"it pisses me off bisexuals are still being oppressed by the gay community..."

luna growled. she was tired of the same shit, your just a colset gay, bi's don't exist and crap like that. lincoln felt her struggles and lean and kissed her lips. she sighed. her belly growled.

"soon, my pet. soon."

at least they'll have desert.

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Lugosi and Ramona came out of the restroom they were fixing their clothes and walked hand in hand.

"that was hot."

she grinned wiggling her brows.

"..indeed."

she groped him infront of a family who stared disapprovingly.

once they got to their table, what laid was apple dumpling. basically apple pie, hot, and with ice cream, drizzled with caramel.

"holy catshit"

Ramona muttered.

"...oh."

"eat up kids, it's free."

Lincoln said with a grin.

"...free things do taste sweeter."

the two chowed down on their treat.

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"1-2-3!"

the melody was hard fucking core.

Ruby was on the drum.

Lamis played her guitar.

"We all came out to Montreux

On the Lake Geneva shoreline

To make records with a mobile

We didn't have much time

Frank Zappa and the Mothers

Were at the best place around

But some stupid with a flare gun

Burned the place to the ground"

they were in the garage. as they played into the beat.

"Smoke on the water, a fire in the sky

Smoke on the water"

they sang together.

"They burned down the gambling house

It died with an awful sound

Funky Claude was running in and out

Pulling kids out the ground

When it all was over

We had to find another place

But Swiss time was running out

It seemed that we would lose the race-"

suddenly they heard a loud sound, like garbage cans being falling, by the side of the house. lamis and ruby paused. it was either two things...raccoons...or Lemy. both dropped and ran outside. they hoped it was raccoons. rushing to the side of the garage, and towards the side of the house there they were, tipped over, with someone inside, their bare ass sticking out, rummaging in the trashcan.

"dduuuhrrrrr...hurr-hurr...score. a half eaten corndog."

ruby turned her head and saw a pile of fresh shit on the lawn.

"Damnit, lemy!"

he came out with the half eaten corndog in his mouth.

"durrrhhh...haaay youse guys! guess wut i founded!"

he took the old food out of his mouth, held out his prize and pointed at it.

"it's a cornydogger."

but his attention was cut short when he saw a little girl on a trike' rolling down the side walk. he popped a boner right there and then.

"shit! ruby, get the taser!"

"no good captain, dad said it's inhumane!"

"awh shit what're we gonna do now?!"

lemy threw his fingers up like a goddamn wrestling super star.

"Special Number 1 Lemy"

he then bolted like a pitbull on a black dude

"WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!"

Lamis screamed at the pig tail redhead who wore a lil' dress

"RUN KID! RUUUUN!"

She saw lemy. and she screamed and paddled as fast as she could, lamis and ruby chased after lemy trying to catch him before he sexually violated the little girl. but since lemy had a pea brain mind his attention turned to a cat just strutting across the street and chased after it instead. right into an alley. lamis and ruby were out of breath and tried to catch up. but he was gone, lamis looked back and forth then run to the side of the alley.

"LEMY! LEMMYY!"

But he was nowhere to be found...

shit. not again.

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the night ended and Ramona laid her head on lugosi's chest. he petted her locks and was relaxed, both in the back seat with bobby and ronnie. luna laid her head on lincoln's shoulder. tonight was pretty good, lincoln thought. hell the movie was okay-ish. and they all had a great time... though lincoln was sure lugosi was fucking ramona in the public bathroom.

he grinned. heh. heh. just like your old man. lincoln was proud if his boy was being a super stud like him. lincoln was a dork, yeah. but he got some pussy. all the time. if lugosi and ramona were shagging. lincoln would have to have a heart to heart talk, then give him a package of condoms. ( trojun fire and ice, you should try it) yup. he looked over the review mirror and watched lugosi stroking ramona's face. she was asleep and had a smile on her lips. bobby and ronnie were passed out.

when the car was parked on the drive way, he was barely getting out when lamis ran towards him. by the look of it, it didn't look good. and when things didn't look good, it only meant one thing...lemy...his first born retard son...

"Lemy ran off chasing a little girl, then got distracted and chased after a cat...he was gone, we tried to catch him but-"

lincoln raised his hand. soon ruby, ruth, lisa, lester came out.

"i tried to use the tracking device but it's not working"

lisa said with a sigh. lugosi and ramona came out of the car, they looked at each other. luna groaned and rubbed her skull.

"great..what are we gonna do now?"

lincoln sighed and rubbed his neck.

"...well...i guess we can start searching.."

the family groan.

"i know, i know, it's a pain in my ass too."

"...you know..."

lisa said as she pushed her glasses up.

"..he isn't legally our sibling because no birth certificate, and he is wanted by the police for molesting a small girl back in September...if we act like we don't know who he is..."

the family grew silent. lincoln open his mouth to protest but then he paused. and he gave in a long thought. if they catch him, they'll put him in a mental institution... and if he tried to tell them who his father was, he'd just say 'Abraham Lincoln' or 'mister buff guy' ..lemy wasn't very smart. he wouldn't know how to get back home...and...

it clicked.

"pack up your bags everyone"

he raised his arms.

"we're going to disney world!"

everyone cheered. lamis grab lester and kissed his lips.

ramona was wided eyes and stared at her new beloved. as if it were a dream.

"does that mean i'm gonna go too..?"

lugosi nodded.

"seems so."

"i'm gonna call lori and let everyone know"

luna said as she pulled out her cell. she was in tears.

"it's finally happen. we're rid of him"

lincoln walked over and grab a hand full of lisa's tit and kissed her hotly.

"...i love you"

he whispered.

"..i still say you should have let me shoot him the way of old yeller.."

she growled. but kissed back. and grab some of lincoln's ass.

by the next day or so, everyone packed and got plane tickets to visit the most happiest place on earth.

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Meanwhile:

the park. 3:32 pm.

"you stupid babies!"

Angelica pickles growled and smacked her cousin, Tommy's bald head. he rubbed it and glared. tommy wasn't one to be hateful. but his cousin was such a fucking bitch. trying to trick them yet again and for what?

cookies. always cookies. fucking cookie whore. his friend chucky coward like the pussy he was, phile was eating his own shit off his fingers, and his twin sister was scratching her cootch. life was the same for the rugrats... for the last 33 years...

"i told you, give me those cookies or there will be hell to pay!"

there was suddenly heavy breathing. angelica felt hot breath against her neck. and she felt the hairs stand up in sudden fear, she jerked her neck, she turned and bumped against someone. his breath smelled like ass she stepped back and saw what she could only describe as... a monster.

a boy with unkempt hair falling over the side of his face, a helmet that had a star and said 1# lemy. his hynea teeth stuck out, drooling and his finger-less gloves - his long yellow nails reached and unzipped himself down. he breathed excitedly. eyes madly switching to the blonde in pig tails, then the toddlers.

"i got your cookies right here"

he breathed.

angelica's eyes widen, by now the toddlers ran off. fuck this, and fuck angelica. she ran too, but a long arm reached and grabbed her and pulled her back. dragging her behind a bush. she clawed the grass. desperate to escape. she screamed.

"COME BACK HERE YOU DUMB BABIES!"

She disappeared within the bush. she cried out and struggled. thudding was heard. as if you can imagine her small fist hitting his chest.

"let go! LET GO! DADDEEE!"

Lemy snorted like a pig.

"oh, yeah baby...i love it when you call me daddy.."

"AHHHHH!"

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THE END (?)


End file.
